Unexpected Gratitude

Today was Curtis' 2-month check up. He's a healthy little boy. It was a slightly emotional day for me. I finally feel that the remnants of worry have finally been lifted from my shoulders. There are not a lot of people who know why I worried about this little boy...it was a personal struggle for a long time.

Following the routine 20-week ultrasound we were told that there was a chance that our baby would be born with a "chromosomal abnormality". I found out that this was a fancy way of telling us that our little boy may have Downs Syndrome as well as other medical concerns. We were referred to a perinatologist and a genetic counselor. They were able to tell us that physically there was nothing wrong with his heart or other organs, but were both unable to give us any definitive answers regarding his mental condition. The only way to know for sure, other than having a test done which would risk the life of the baby, was to wait the remaining 4-5 months until he was born. 

The rest of the pregnancy wasn't easy. There were times that I would pray for a mentally healthy baby, but then feel guilty that I wasn't unconditionally willing to open my heart to any child. On top of that, there were other complications that made the pregnancy even more difficult to handle and harder to be happy about. I just wanted all the fretting, sickness, and discomfort to be over with!

Then Curtis was born. And he was perfect. My relief seemed to seep through my skin! I felt grateful at that moment for the gift of a healthy child and the end of a difficult pregnancy. My gratitude for those blessings, however, soon took a backseat to a couple of other things I've found reason to be thankful for. 

When my 81-year old grandma learned that Curtis had been born without any apparent complications she tearfully shared that she had spent several months of prayer and fasting on our behalf. I knew that my grandmother loved me but I think that I wasn't truly aware of how much. It is such a blessing to me to know that my sweet grandma Radford sacrificed so much out of love and concern for me. I don't know that I would trade that knowledge for any ounce of peace of mind I could have been granted during those few months.

A dear friend of mine also helped me to recognize another blessing. It's a silly thing really, but at first I was scared to death of having a boy. I actually teared up at the ultrasound because I just really wanted a girl. I don't understand boys! But months of worry have a tendency to carve out a very special place in your heart. I love my boy so much more than I could have ever imagined. I feel so much gratitude to my Heavenly Father that he would send this little man to my home. 

So I've learned a couple of things. First, that my family loves me and they are willing to go through a lot to support me, my husband, and our children. Second, Heavenly Father maybe knew that I needed a little extra push to allow a little boy to make my world seem bigger and brighter than I ever knew it could be.

My cup runneth over!